So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viagra. The guy asks for a large dose of the strongest variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks "Why? Is your dick in that much pain?" "No", says the guy, "it's for my wrists--the girls never showed up!"
Thursday, March 31, 2011
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo" : Symbolism
Blow jobs and doggystyle are likely at the top of most men's list of fav sex acts. Therefore, this tattoo is not so far off in representation for the masses as it is in being logical. The imagery isn't so bad either. Quite clever actually. I'm just convinced that putting sexually active Japanese (can we call it that?) symbols on the back of your calves is a sure sign you're the kind of person not getting to participate in either one of these sex acts. And if you plan on it, be sure not to let anyone you plan on humping get a glimpse of it before it happens. Because it won't.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
"The Hard Sell" : Taboo In Advertising
This ad by the National Health Service in the UK is not only a print ad, but also had a matching commercial in which the man was actually dragged by the fish hook. Needless to say, it didn't sit so well with the public and the ads drew hundreds of (actually closer to 1000) filed complaints. In the end, the commercial was considered the most disturbing to people. The the print ads were ruled to be avoided in locations where the ads could easily be seen by children and the tv ads similarly couldn't be aired with children's programing.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
And I Quote...
“I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four.” --Joel Rosenberg
Monday, March 28, 2011
"Monday Man Candy": Robin Thicke
Blue-eyed soul never looked so good until Robin Thicke took it over. He by no means is the first to do it, but he is to date the sexiest and most naturally accepted doing it (and by the way, he happens to hate the term "blue-eyed soul" because he thinks it is stereotypical). Even though he has not crossed into the realm of super famous, he has accomplished a lot and is regarded in music. He has won songwriting and production Grammy's for both one of his own albums and other people's albums (Jennifer Hudson and Lil' Wayne to be specific). The downside is that he is taken. But even in that dissapointment is a bit of charm because he married his high school sweetheart, actress Paula Patton. Gotta love that.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
"Sex 101"
This week's OMGFactsSEX stats and facts:
* The Fallopian tubes are named after Gabriel Fallopius, a physician who discovered them in the 1500s.
* Fallopius was also one of the 1st doctors to recommend condom use to protect against STD’s back in 1546.
* 90% of the world’s necrophiliacs are men.
* Part of the reason that wigs were popular in the 18th century was to cover up the hair loss caused by syphilis.AIDS and HIV rates in China are increasing among the elderly.
* One study found the 2 most important factors for marriage compatibility were religion and similarity of drinking habits.
* The World Health Organization estimated there are 100 million sex acts per day leading to 365,000 new cases of venereal disease.
* An estimated 1 out of every 200 women is born with a third nipple.
* Mo Ka Wang could lift 250 pounds of weight off the floor using only his penis.
* Most people contract STDs when they are (supposedly) in monogamous relationships.
* The “venereal” in “venereal disease” is a reference to Venus, the goddess of love and sex.
* The act of watching couples having sex in parked cars is called “dogging”.
* In America, bestiality is a felony in only 15 states.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Street Walking Nightmare
I missed the memo, but apparently Anti-Street Harassment Day was held the other day. Living in NYC, this is a constant issue and the attention from men is exhausting. I think this form, cited as one of the ways to fight back, is fantastic. My iPod has been my best defense so far, but maybe I should pass these out. I was always curious if it was as rampant as I thought it was, but since there is an actual movement for it, I have my answer.
Friday, March 25, 2011
"Sexpot of the Week" : Christina Perri
Christina Perry has one of those instant stardon stories that you just love to hear. Taught herself to play the guitar at 16. Moved from Philly to LA at 21 and waited tables of course. Then back to Philly when her marriage and plans didn't work out. You know, the starving artist story. And while all this is going on, she writes "Jar of Hearts" . The song gets passed to a choreographer on "So You Think You Can Dance". It gets used. People like it. People buy it. She gets a major record deal. She's a star now. You know, the not a starving artist anymore story. The most amusing part is that she is so rocked out (tattoos galore and a guitar to match), but listening to "Jar of Hearts" (a very strong ballad), you would never guess she's packaged the way she is. There's something special about people who challenge stereotypes. It'll be itneresting to see how she evolves and what she comes out with next. I shall stay tuned.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"Dirty Joke" : Lottery
Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband,"Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!""Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?""Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo" : Non-Pretty Woman
Let's play a game of guess that celebrity. The tattoos on the man above are supposedly all of a certain movie star. Can you distinguish who it is? If you chose Julia Roberts, you are either really good at inferring blog titles or you are psychic. Psychic because none of these tattoos actually look like Julia Roberts and anyone who would think so by looking at them would have to have some special abilities. Now, this guy does look like he has partaken in a prostitute or two so I'm sure his obsession with her started in her first notable role in "Pretty Woman." Let's just hope for her own sanity that she never finds out about this.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
"The Hard Sell" : Taboo In Advertising
The Health Ministry of Israel did not find these ads for Kiss: All Natural Tobacco amusing one bit. But the interesting part is that they did not go after the ads for being obscene. They filed a complaint on the grounds that the cigarette packets resemble human beings and therefore violate the law against the use of humans in cigarette ads. And it worked. The tobacco company was fined for the use of humans in the ads. Who knew humans looked like this in Israel?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
News Spotlight: Chris Brown and a New Shit Fit
Another day, another Chris Brown rage. This guy constantly wants to beat someone's ass. Geez.
From New York Daily News: "Chris Brown may need a few more anger management lessons.
Even though a Los Angeles judge has commended him for turning his life around since pleading guilty to felony assault in 2009, the R&B artist had a massive meltdown at the "Good Morning America" studios in Manhattan on Tuesday.
Brown, 21, became angered during his live interview with co-host Robin Roberts, who asked repeated questions about his domestic violence incident with Rihanna, even though he was there to promote his new album, "F.A.M.E.," which was released on Tuesday.
After the interview, Brown allegedly took his rage out in his dressing room, where he yelled loud enough to warrant a visit from security and broke a window. Shattered glass fell onto 43rd St. and Broadway, reported TMZ.com, which posted a picture of the smashed window.
Brown reportedly then took off his shirt and confronted a "GMA" producer before leaving the building and skipping a planned second performance, which was to air on the "GMA" website.
A short time after his exit, Brown took to his Twitter account to express his displeasure over the interview and thank his fans for their continued support.
"I'm so over people bringing this past sh-t up!!!" he tweeted. "Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for there [sic] bullsh-t!"
"All my fans!!! This album is for you and only you!!!" he wrote in a second tweet. "I'm so tired of everyone else!! Honestly!! I love team breezy!!""Thank you to everyone who supports my music!!!" he wrote in a third.
"Key Word (music) !!! Love y'all."
A rep for Brown has yet to comment on the matter."
Monday, March 21, 2011
"Monday Man Candy": Boris Kodjoe
Some men get sexier with age and some, like Boris Kodjoe, are fine no matter what age they are. He has been in films for over a decade now and at 38, it doesn't seem the business is having an adverse effect on his sex appeal. He is just as sexy now as he was in his 20s. Unfortunately, he never gets amazing roles and "Undercovers", the show he got his first real starring role in last, tanked and got cancelled. But he does have three other projects on the horizon so he's still getting some screen time. And honestly, looking the way he does, why wouldn't he be?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
"Sexpot of the Week" : Jennifer Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence is on a hot streak right now. After you get an Oscar nomination that's just what seems to happen, though. At only 20, her role in "Winter's Bone" got her that recognition and she has added 5 new projects to her roster since. She is definitely one to watch. And not just because she's a good actress, but because she is obviously breathtaking. She's pretty new on the scene so there isn't a lot of gossip surrounding her yet (there's relatively little information on her at all), but you know it's coming. Stay tuned.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
"Dirty Joke" : Duties
An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo" : Cupcake Craze-i-ness
This is taking the recent obsession with cupcakes a bit too far. It takes a very unthoughtful person to take something as pure, loved, and sweet as a cupcake and turn it into a breeding ground for worms, maggots, and eyeballs. Why someone would want such a thing on their body is a question that won't supply a satisfying answer so we will chop this one up to the "this person had a fucked up childhood" theory I often suggest when it comes to these types of tattoos.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
"The Hard Sell" : Taboo In Advertising
Talk about a battle of cities. Because of Starbucks, Seattle is no doubt credited as the official coffee city. It's only logical that anyone trying to put their city on the coffee map would have to take jabs at it. This message, put on a Philly coffee guide, goes straight for a low blow, pointing out Seattle's high drug rate. Yes, heroin addicts do rome the streets of Seattle. The only real problem with this ad is that Philadelphia is only a couple of cities behind Seattle in the ranks of a drug infused city. A case of the black coffee mug calling the coffee black?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
And I Quote...
“Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?” --Chuck Palahniuk
News Spotlight: Another Comedian, Another Disaster Rant
Anytime something really devastating happens in the news, there always seems to be an entertainment career casualty that comes along with it these days. Comedians are the usual culprits because they are so used to saying whatever they want and know they are not only allowed to, but are expected to. That is, until the masses think they have gone too far and the act goes from bold and daring to career suicide. The Japanese earthquake's companion is Gilbert Gottfried. In all fairness, that duck needed to shut the fuck up anyway.
From The Hollywood Reporter: "A day after he was fired as the voice of Aflac Inc.’s iconic duck, controversial comic Gilbert Gottfried has apologized for making a series of mean-spirited Twitter jokes about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.
"I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan,” he tells The Hollywood Reporter in a statement Tuesday. “I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families."
Gottfried has voiced the duck in the insurer's TV ad campaign in the U.S. since 2000, but the company said Monday that the dozen jokes he Tweeted “were lacking in humor and certainly do not represent the thoughts and feelings of anyone at Aflac.” A nationwide casting call to find a new voice is now underway. (He is among the stars who have sent out other low-blow messages via Twitter.)
Aflac Inc., which made its name selling cancer expense policies in Japan in the 1970s, still derives about three-quarters of its revenue in the country.
Gottfried is no stranger to controversy.
Three weeks after 9/11, he made light of the tragedy at a Friars Club roast for Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. He said that he had tried to catch a plane but couldn't get a direct flight because "they said they have to stop off at the Empire State Building." The joke prompted boos from the audience."
Monday, March 14, 2011
"Monday Man Candy": Adam Levine
A sexy man is already a great thing. A sexy musician is even better. There's something about a rock star that tips the scale from yum to YUM! Adam Levine, Maroon 5's leadsinger, is about as delicious as they come. He has the entire package. And he uses it a lot. Although at the present moment, he is tied down in a relationship with a Victoria's Secret model (who else would it be?), he is quite the ladies man. He has a reputation for banging them all--models, fellow musicians, actresses, etc. And somehow, the fact that he knows he can have anyone he wants makes him that much more irresistable.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
And I Quote...
“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.” --Woody Allen
Friday, March 11, 2011
"Sexpot of the Week" : Jessica Biel
News broke today that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake have split up after four years of dating. This is apparently the official breakup because rumors of them breaking up have been spread pretty much the entire time they have been together. Anyway, another perfect single on the market. Biel consistently makes a mark on every "hottest" list put out by every publication and tv broadcast and it's not very shocking news. She may have the best body in Hollywood--certainly one of the only white women who gets as much props for her ass as black and Latina ones. And her face speaks for itself. On top of that, she has had an at least steady career. She hasn't gotten a role that has made her a true starlet, but maybe it's on the way. As long as she looks like this, she can at least count on getting roles thrown her way.
News Spotlight: Roast Gone Wrong
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino bombed at Donald Trump's roast. Who actually thought he would be funny? Why would you trust him to deliver jokes correctly? My guess is you wouldn't and it was a big setup. So it turns out that Sorrentino is the one getting roasted now. Talk about morning after regrets.
From Fox News: "Comedy Central writers who worked on Donald Trump's roast were so worried that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino would mess up his jokes that they spelled House Speaker John Boehner's name phonetically on his autocue as "BAYNER" -- so the "Jersey Shore" star wouldn't say, "Boner."
But Sorrentino was so bad that he became the first roaster in more than a decade to be drowned in a tidal wave of heckles and boos.
"By the way, who's John Boehner?" Sorrentino pronounced it correctly -- but went on, "Check it out. Doesn't his name sound like boner? Anyone notice that . . . boner?"
"Hey, Snoop Dogg," Sorrentino sneered at the pot-smoking rapper, who openly puffed on a large blunt while onstage. "Donald Trump and your ancestors had a lot in common -- they owned real estate, and your ancestors were property!" More heckles.
As the boos filled the Hammerstein Ballroom Wednesday night, Sorrentino whined, "This is my first time doing comedy!"
"And your last!" shouted comic Jeff Ross.
Sorrentino smelled strangely like a hot dog up close, reports The Post's Don Kaplan -- and ignored Kaplan when he asked The Sitch if he knew how to spell "bomb."
Sorrentino inexplicably shared the dais with seasoned comics like Lisa Lampanelli, Whitney Cummings, rookie roaster Anthony Jeselnik, Marlee Matlin, and Larry King -- who is so old that "the last time he covered an uprising in Egypt, Larry interviewed Moses," joked Jeselnik.
The roastmaster, "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane, spent a good part of the event, which will air as a Comedy Central special on Tuesday, blasting The Donald's presidential aspirations. "Trump opposes abortion," said MacFarlane, "which makes sense, because that's his next wife he may be killing." Trump did not laugh.
Snoop sniped, "You're thinking of running for president? Wouldn't be the first time you pushed a black family out of their house."
Trump took the blows in stride.
"What's the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump's hair?" the mogul joked. "A wet raccoon doesn't have $7 billion [bleeping] dollars in the bank!""
Thursday, March 10, 2011
"Dirty Joke" : The Test
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo" : Sheenery
You knew this was coming. Dumbasses paying homage to Charlie Sheen's recent burst of energy and attention whoring. This one is an apparent ode to his "tigerblood" rant. Unfortunately, the guy barely looks like Charlie Sheen and actually, the tiger doesn't really look like a tiger. As if this concept of this tattoo wasn't bad enough, the fact that in 20 years no one will know what the hell this tattoo is refering to makes it terrible. #notwinning
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
"The Hard Sell" : Taboo In Advertising
This is just one of many ads banned by Butch, a pet food company based in New Zealand. The company specializes in meat, which lends an added validity to the humor of the ads. No explanation is really needed on why these ads would be banned. As charming and clever as they are, most people aren't ready to associate their pets with perversion. But at least they went full force with it. Even if they would have skirted around the word "pussy" in this one or tailored the other ads in some way, they probably would have been banned anyway.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
"Monday Man Candy": Adrian Grenier
Mondays are a bummer for most people so it seemed like a good idea to throw a few pictures of delicious man specimens on the blog. And why not? This blog does give a shout out every week to a "Sexpot of the Week" so why not some man candy?
First up is a personal fav, the sexiness that is Mr. Adrian Grenier. He's known for his role in "Entourage" as the beautiful Vinnie Chase. But the best part about the entire thing is that in real life, he is the scruffy, chill, musician, artist type. He plays in a band and does gigs with them around the city. He's really into social causes. He doesn't cause a whole lot of ruckus. And he's not a diva (to common knowledge anyway). So it appears that he is a normal sexy man trapped in an actor's world. Here's to hoping he stays trapped in that world so we can continue to look at him over and over and over and over again.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
"Sex 101"
This week's OMGFactsSEX stats and facts:
* In other, non-human primates, the males often ejaculate within 15 seconds of initiating coitus.
* Another word for a pimp is a “Leno”.
* Urtication: using stinging nettles to stimulate the skin, sometimes for arousal.
* The Torah forbids a husband from engaging in sexual contact with his wife during her period, or even 7 days before her period.
* Someone with mysophilia can be aroused by smelling or chewing on dirty underwear and menstrual pads.
* The modern lap dance was originated in 1980 at the Mitchell Brother’s O’Farrell Theatre in San Francisco.
* The production and sale of condoms in the United States was illegal until 1930.
* Telegony is a (discredited) theory that a woman’s children can inherit traits from any man that she has had sex with.
* Men who undergo sex-change operations make an average of 32% less in income after the surgery.
* Women make an average of 1.5% more after sex-change operations.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
And I Quote...
"Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity." --Dane Cook
Rage Quit: Impossible Game
Nothing more entertaining than a raging, cursing lunatic. This guy takes playing video games very seriously.
Friday, March 4, 2011
"Sexpot of the Week" : Britney Spears
If you haven't noticed, Britney is back. She's always coming back. She disappears, has mental breakdowns, and then pops back up with a hit single. It's her cycle. It's her thing. Well, she happens to be in "up" times right now with a new album on the way. Her single "Hold It Against Me" is killing airwaves. Her recent Ke$ha penned "Till the World Ends" was leaked a couple days ago and people are in a frenzy. I've never been much of a Brit fan, but you gotta give it to her. She has been in the game for a while and has been the object of many a teen boy's obsession (not to mention many gay men) so her hot factor is relevant. Maybe this "up" time is not a phase and she can stay on top for a bit. It remains to be seen.
News Spotlight: Huckabee, the Role Model Authority
When are some people gonna get past their "barefoot and pregnant" way of thinking when it comes to roles and opinions on proper sequence of events? Mike Huckabee is this week's asshole for criticizing Natalie Portman for getting pregnant before marriage. Because after all, that is the worst thing someone can do. Winning an Oscar and carrying yourself as well as Natalie does not a role model make. Unfortunately for him, there are few people more likable than her so he's probably gonna have to ward off the masses on this one.
From CNN blog: "One person not cheering recent Oscar winner Natalie Portman? Mike Huckabee.
The Fox News Channel host has criticized the "Black Swan" star for being pregnant and unmarried.
"One of the things that's troubling is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, 'Hey look, you know, we're having children, we're not married, but we're having these children,' and they're doing just fine,'" Huckabee told radio host Michael Medved on Monday. "But there aren't really a lot of single moms out there who are making millions of dollars every year for being in a movie."
Huckabee believes Portman is presenting a distorted image with her pregnancy. "Not everybody hires nannies, and caretakers, and nurses," he says. "Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can't get a job, and if it weren't for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that's the story that we're not seeing, and it's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out of children wedlock."
In her best actress acceptance speech, Portman thanked fiancé Benjamin Millepied, "who choreographed the film, and has now given me my most important role of my life." Medved told Huckabee that Millepied "didn't give her the most wonderful gift, which would be a wedding ring! And it just seems to me that sending that kind of message is problematic.""
Thursday, March 3, 2011
"Dirty Joke" : Penis Envy
A man asked his girlfriend to marry him. To prove his love to her, he got her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said "Wendy" and when it was limp it said "Wy." While on their honeymoon in Jamaica, they went to a nude beach. Wendy told her husband to go get them drinks at a stand on the beach. He noticed the man who was waiting on him also had "Wy" tatted on his penis. He said, "Oh you must have a wife named Wendy, too." The waiter said, "No mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, man. Have a nice day.'"
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo" : Japanese Orgy
You have to be a bonafide freak (and partially unstable) to want a tattoo of an orgy on your body. I'm not sure what the Japanese symbols mean, but in some cases ignorance is bliss. And being that this tattoo apparently is located on the lower back, it's safe to say this gives a whole new meaning to the label "tramp stamp."
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