"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Happy Halloween

In the spirit of Halloween, I suppose this silly tattoo will do. It's pretty gross, but it's so over the top that it's comical. I guess one's biggest nightmare would be having octopus tentacles entering (or leaving?) his mouth. The stuff people come up with. I swear.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Vacation Mode

I understand needing a vacation. Or even daydreaming about paradise. Having to look at a rendering of a tropical scene on your belly everyday? Errrr. I have to part on that one. Not to mention, the dolphin (?) (or two headed dolphin?) (or split faced dolphin?) is quite strange looking. For sure, we have a paradise lost situation here.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Booty Licious Ness

The interesting part about this tattoo is that this woman doesn't appear to have a whole lot of ass. Thighs, yes. Booty, no. Anywho, "bootylicious" was such a popular phrase after the Destiny's Child song was released that it warranted an entry into our dictionary. So even if this tattoo is mortifying, at least it's grammatically accepted.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": RIP Steve Jobs

Ok so this tattoo is not actually bad at all, but I thought it was appropriate under the circumstances. RIP Steve Jobs. You were a genius and my iPhone brings me much joy.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": ???

Someone please explain this. I honestly don't know what's going on here so I don't even know how to make fun of it. Imagine how much that sucks for me. Bowling, spiders, name, and fake abs(?)/turtle belly(?).

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": I ♥ Football

Football started back not too long ago so here's a tat to remind us just how devoted sports fans can be. Not only did this chick get a Steelers tattoo on her wrist, but she decided to add some sparkle to it. I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the devotion, tackiness, or fact she has made such a hardcore, rugged sport so girly.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": MC Hammer Homage

Ok so this person is either really an MC Hammer fan or very aware of the state of his/her feet. Either way, this is the kinda stuff summer flip flop dreams are made of. I'm just waiting for the day I actually get to see people with tattoos this awful in person.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Ice Cream Face

More like errr, not brrr. I really want to believe that this isn't actually a tattoo and a hoax/joke, but it was on the Ugliest Tattoo site so I'm gonna take it for face value. Pun very much intended.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Nachos

Errr ok. I appreciate cheese and nachos more than the next person, but deciding to plaster a permanent corny joke about it on your body is a whole nother level of appreciation. Really, I just don't get it. And if you were to envision a nacho with a face, is this what you would dream it to look like? I wouldn't.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Death Becomes Her

Necrophilia anyone? I mean, it is true. And no one likes to be told no :/

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Rainbow Tasting

Ok so usually I'm in total support of rainbows. And I'm surely in favor of tasting one. But bearing a Skittlez (yes "z", not "s" apparently) on your chest for all to see? Probably taking the love of candy and color a bit too far.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": F-Unicorn

When I search for new tattoos for this blog feature, I come across a lot. I chuckle a lot. But this ultra-ridiculous one has a very special place in my laughing heart. I can barely contain myself. The "F-Unicorn" title was taken directly from the ugliest tattoo site because it's so predictable of a description it needs no altering.

News Spotlight: Tattooed Splitsville

Some relationships people just can't wait to fail. Since Kat Von D announced her split from Jesse James last night via Twitter, all the news reporting about it has been ultra sarcastic and unsympathetic. I think it's safe to say James is the most hated person in Hollywood--well maybe after Mel Gibson.

From People: "Jesse James and Kat Von D have called off their engagement and broken up.


"I'm so sad because I really love her," James tells PEOPLE exclusively. "The distance between us was just too much."

James, 42, and the LA Ink star, 29, were engaged in January and had been planning a summer wedding around the one-year anniversary of when they started dating.

But the commute between Los Angeles, where Von D shoots her reality show, and James's home outside of Austin, Texas, where he lives with his kids, Chandler, 16, Jesse Jr., 14, and Sunny, 7, proved to be too much.



Von D confirmed the split on Twitter.

"I am no longer w Jesse," she writes, "and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats all the info I'd like to share. Thanks for respecting that.""

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": "W" is for Whoops

Just in case you aren't aware, this isn't the way you spell "reckless." Not a very obvious spelling mistake, but it's very unfortunate to have a grammatical error tattooed in huge letters across your back. The fact no one seemed to catch this before it was plastered is a good indication he will go through life without many people pointing it out. But the fact this guy wants to be identified as reckless and was very much so with his tattoo is quite comical.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Gift Wrapped

Last week, I featured the ultimate douchebag tattoo. Well, I don't discriminate and feel it's only fair to present female douchebags as well. Here we have a woman who most likely is not God's gift. And if there is anything that can shed doubt about it is the fact the proclamation is so small. You would think God would let everyone know about his gift with a bolder, more expressive message. And can I get an apostrophe please?

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Family Jewels

Douchebags and tattoos don't mix. When they do, the above is an example of the catastrophes that often ensue. This particular douchebag thinks it's charming and funny that he has ink sperm swimming down his leg. It would be interesting to know the reactions of his sex partners when they realize just what kind of man they have selected as a mate. Oh, and as for the quality of the artwork--it simply sucks.

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Bubble Burst

Of all the "sweet" things in the world, bubble gum was the obvious choice of tattoo for this woman? There really isn't much commentary I can offer on this one. It is obviously awful. And another reminder just how random people can get with their tat ideas. Why oh why?

"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Null and Void

Getting a lover's name will always be the top dummy choice when it comes to tattoos. In the midst of bliss, folks get it done knowing there is a chance the tattoo will outlive the love for the person. And when that love vanishes, all that's left is the option to get a cover up or painful removal. For most people. This guy took a more comical approach to the situation. Melissa's legacy will live on.

"Monday Man Candy": Ami James

Ami James has been a long-time interest for me. I happen to think he is one of the sexiest people on the planet. I am a sucker for men with lots of tattoos. Add the muscles, bald head, and often intimidating demeanor and forget about it. With all this said, however, once a celebrity is out of the limelight for a while, you tend to forget about them. Sadly, I forgot about my Ami. That is, until NY Ink premiered a couple weeks ago. Not only is Ami back, but he happens to live in the same city as me now. Even though I will never run into him or be stalkerish enough to go to his tattoo shop (although I have Googled it and know where it is already), knowing he's a train ride away brings joy to my heart. A whole new reason for the "I love NY" thing.

News Spotlight: More Amy Winehouse Fuckery

Why won't Amy Winehouse just get her shit together already?! There are few things I really look forward to and her return to music is one of them. She started a "comeback" tour last night. Unfortunately, she was drunk and awful so a comeback it was not. All the news outlets are reporting that she got booed offstage after a set filled with stumbling and other drunkard behaviors. There is nothing more sad than wasted talent. Well, except wasted talent due to drug and alcohol addiction. I hope for her own sake as well as for the sake of music that she can face her demons.