Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": ???
Someone please explain this. I honestly don't know what's going on here so I don't even know how to make fun of it. Imagine how much that sucks for me. Bowling, spiders, name, and fake abs(?)/turtle belly(?).
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
And I Quote...
"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink." --Joe E. Lewis
Monday, September 26, 2011
"Monday Man Candy": Eddie Cibrian
Meet the newest bootleg Don Draper. Since Mad Men has become a phenomenon, there has been a couple copycats trying to cash in on the 50s/60s show theme. The Playboy Club is the latest addition to this pile and the lead character, Eddie Cibrian is smoking hot. If you don't know him from being trifling in real life due to his scandal with LeAnn Rimes (having affairs with each other and later getting married), you might know him from a lot of other tv (a lot to name so Wikipedia if you care). Fortunately, there is no "being moral" clause to being man candy so although he may not be the ideal love interest, he sure in hell is ideal to drool over.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
"Dirty Joke": Popularity
Q: Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: The one who can eat the last donut.
A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A: The one who can eat the last donut.
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": I ♥ Football
Football started back not too long ago so here's a tat to remind us just how devoted sports fans can be. Not only did this chick get a Steelers tattoo on her wrist, but she decided to add some sparkle to it. I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the devotion, tackiness, or fact she has made such a hardcore, rugged sport so girly.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
News Spotlight: Justice Questioning
It looks like it really is the end of the line for Troy Davis. After much doubt by many people that he murdered a cop, his last apparent chance to delay the case has been denied. I'm not usually one to get too wrapped up in opinions about innocence vs. guilt, but this one does tug at the conscience a bit. There are not just some factors to suggest he may be innocent, but too many factors. If he is innocent, may he rest in peace. And may the truth eventually come out so our justice system can have yet another example of why it needs to get its shit together.
From CBS News: "ATLANTA - A defense attorney says Georgia prison officials have blocked inmate Troy Davis from taking a polygraph test before his scheduled execution.
Attorney Stephen Marsh told The Associated Press on Wednesday that the Georgia Department of Corrections has denied his request to allow Davis to take a polygraph test. Davis is scheduled to die at 7 p.m. EDT Wednesday.
Davis has long claimed he is innocent of killing Mark MacPhail, an off-duty police officer working as a security guard in Savannah, Ga. But state and federal courts have repeatedly upheld his conviction.
Prosecutors and MacPhail's relatives say they have no doubt the right man is being punished.
Marsh had said he hoped the polygraph test would convince the state pardons board to reconsider a decision against clemency.
On Wednesday, supporters planned vigils outside Georgia's death row prison in Jackson and protests at U.S. embassies in Europe. Davis' attorneys planned another late appeal, this one aimed at blocking the execution by convincing a judge that some of the original evidence was questionable.
After winning three delays since 2007, Davis lost his most realistic chance at last-minute clemency this week when the state pardons board denied his request.
Some witnesses who fingered him at trial as the shooter later recanted, and others who did not testify came forward to say another man did it. But a federal judge dismissed those changed and new accounts as "largely smoke and mirrors" after a hearing Davis was granted last year to argue for a new trial, which he did not win.
Davis didn't want a last meal. He planned to spend his final hours meeting with friends, family and supporters. According to an advocate who met with him late Tuesday, he was upbeat, prayerful and expected last-minute wrangling by attorneys."
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
And I Quote...
"A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest." --Helen Rowland
"Funny Pic": Elderly Love
This is one of the best signs I have ever seen. I got it from my friend on Facebook and I absolutely love it.
Friday, September 16, 2011
"Sexpot of the Week": Leila Lopes
I'm not much of a pageant person, but I am obsessed, actually borderline OBSESSED, with Miss Universe 2011 Leila Lopes (Miss Angola). In my unhumble opinion, she is easily one of the most beautiful women I have seen in a long time. Miss Universe of course has the hottest contestants of all the pageants so, for sure, there were other women who would be considered more beautiful or at least as beautiful as she (I don't think so, but of course everyone has their favorites). But I love that she is African and that in a world not fascinated with black beauty that she came out on top. Love her.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": MC Hammer Homage
Ok so this person is either really an MC Hammer fan or very aware of the state of his/her feet. Either way, this is the kinda stuff summer flip flop dreams are made of. I'm just waiting for the day I actually get to see people with tattoos this awful in person.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
News Spotlight: Roasting Sheen
So Comedy Central held a Charlie Sheen roast Saturday night. It will be airing next Monday, Septemer 19. I can't fucking wait.
"Monday Man Candy": Andy Whitfield
Sadly, Andy Whitfield passed away yesterday from his year and a half battle with cancer. The Spartacus star was only 39 and when reading the article I was saddened by the lack of time he had to prepare for the end. But I also couldn't ignore all the pictures of him being used and he really was stunning. There are few better ways to pay homage to someone (well at least that you don't know personally) than to point out how hot they were. And so I am. I hope his family finds solace and that he may rest in peace.
Friday, September 9, 2011
"Sexpot of the Week": Jessica Chastain
Jessica Chastain was a suggestion for "Sexpot of the Week" via Twitter and after looking her up, I was only semi-amused. I thought she was cute and everything, but I wasn't that into it. I heard all the kudos she was getting for her work in The Help, but still was blah. Then I went to see the movie and I was impressed with her. I did become a fan and decided I like her better on-screen than in photos (although the above photos are pretty hot). And then I realized that's exactly what you are supposed to feel about an actress. She's not your typical screen siren dawning the cover of magazine after magazine (not yet anyway), but she is a sexy red-headed thing. She has 8 films that either have been or will be debuted in 2011 and 2012 so she will be around for a bit. I will stay tuned.
News Spotlight: More Mel and Jews News
The fact anyone gets mad at this guy anymore is amusing to me. Mel is cray cray. And honestly, at this point, I think he is doing these things just for shits and giggles.
From MSNBC: "Mel Gibson and Joe Ezsterhas will collaborate for an untitled drama about Jewish warrior Judah Maccabee, it was first reported late Thursday. Deadline Hollywood broke the news, saying that Gibson "had long wanted to make this film about heroic Jews, and it was discussed even when he was under fire after his drunken anti-Semitic rant during a 2006 Malibu arrest."
A decided departure from other Gibson films like "Lethal Weapon" or "The Passion of the Christ," Gibson will be a producer and direct the film (Eszterhas will write the script), which is being made by Warner Bros.
A certain level of outrage was anticipated when the news broke -- after all, Gibson has hardly been known as a bastion of tolerance and understanding in recent years. Now, Jewish leaders are speaking out about what they feel is hypocrisy in having Gibson involved. Rabbi Marvin Heir, founder and dean of Los Angeles's Simon Wiesenthal Center Museum of Tolerance, told The Hollywood Reporter, "He’s had a long history of antagonism with Jews. Casting him as a director or perhaps as the star of Judah Maccabee is like casting (Bernie) Madoff to be the head of the Securities and Exchange Commission, or a white supremacist as trying to portray Martin Luther King Jr. It's simply an insult to Jews."
Abraham Foxman, national director of the Anti Defamation League, also issued a statement to The Hollywood Reporter saying, “Judah Maccabee deserves better. He is a hero of the Jewish people and a universal hero in the struggle for religious liberty. It would be a travesty to have his story told by one who has no respect and sensitivity for other people’s religious views."
Maccabee, along with his father and brothers, led the Jewish revolt against the Greek-Syrian armies of the Seleucid Empire during the second century BC. Hanukkah is a celebration of the success of the revolt."
Thursday, September 8, 2011
"Dirty Joke": Commonality
Q: How is a woman like a condom? A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Ice Cream Face
More like errr, not brrr. I really want to believe that this isn't actually a tattoo and a hoax/joke, but it was on the Ugliest Tattoo site so I'm gonna take it for face value. Pun very much intended.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Freaks Come Out at Night
Metal Taboo will be taking part in Artists & Fleas' Fashion Night Out event this Thursday. If you're in NY, stop by!
News Spotlight: Google & Rock N Roll
I'm a big fan of Google specialty homepages. Today, they have a tribute to Queen's Freddie Mercury. It's not just a cool image, though. It's a full-out musical. Go look. And hurry. I think it was posted yesterday and will expire any minute.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
"Dirty Joke": Sex Acts
Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
"Bad (Not Bad Ass) Tattoo": Nachos
Errr ok. I appreciate cheese and nachos more than the next person, but deciding to plaster a permanent corny joke about it on your body is a whole nother level of appreciation. Really, I just don't get it. And if you were to envision a nacho with a face, is this what you would dream it to look like? I wouldn't.
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